I Really Need To Go Through My Closet

The draft for the fantasy football league my brother and I are in was held last year at a North Hampton restaurant called Wings Your Way. At the end, his friend Ernie disappeared for a few minutes before returning with t-shirts for everyone. On the back, the company logo. On the front, the words, "I Got Boned."

For obvious reasons, this is what I like to refer to as one of my weekend shirts, meaning I only wear it around the house on the weekends, and rarely then. Never outside.

Today, after looking through my available t-shirts, I settled on Wings Your Way. The plan was to lounge around the house all day, maybe do some laundry or wash some dishes, so it should've been safe.

Should've been.

Around 3:45, I got a little cabin fever and decided to go for a walk. We had left my car with Vicki's parents when we went to the movies last night and I figured I could get it and some exercise at the same time. I even took the trash out on the way. All the right moves, baby.

I was probably a quarter mile from home when I realized that I had forgotten to change my shirt. Two kids in an SUV ran a stop sign, putting me into "Outraged Old Man" mode. My mood changed as they passed, however, and I swear I heard the girl behind the wheel say, "Does that say, 'I Got Boned'?" Why yes, young lady, it does.

The rest of the 1 1/2 mile walk was a blast, to say the least. I spent most of it concocting various scenarios in which groups of big mean guys mocked my shirt and I disarmed them with witty comebacks delivered in a dry, "I'm laughing now, but will gladly kick your ass later," manner. Think Bruce Willis in any of the Die Hard movies, only instead of a tough-as-nails New York cop, he's a short fat guy from New Hampshire who's never been in a fight. That was my imaginary situation, which surprisingly did not come to fruition. Much a pity.

Anyway, I got to Vicki's parents without further incident (although I'm pretty sure there were some strange looks from passing cars). My mother-in-law got a kick out of the fact that I had been wandering the streets of Milford in the state my wardrobe was in, so hey, at least I brought some joy to somebody's life.

And I got to drive home instead of walking, which was nice.