Why Fantasy Football Is Still Fun

You know how sometimes, especially in the minor leagues and especially at the end of an otherwise lost season, baseball managers will let a player get his name in the record books by playing him at all nine positions in one game?

I think I saw the fantasy football equivalent over the weekend.

My brother's friend Q came into Week 17 knowing that he had little chance of securing a second place finish in either head-to-head or total points, so he decided to have some fun. The screen capture of his weekly lineup is below (click to enlarge).

Your eyes do not deceive you, folks. Q decided to spice things up and field a fantasy team consisting entirely of Detroit Lions players, from Orlovsky to Hanson (it's really too bad Jon Kitna was injured - he deserved to be a part of this). This comes at no small price: his bench players, not pictured, scored 93 points, nearly double the 47 posted by his Bizarro team.

My favorite part of this is the fact that Calvin Johnson was the high scorer for the team that thrashed Q's Lions this week. A better metaphor for the real Johnson's feelings likely does not exist - you have to believe the man wants to be anything but a Detroit Lion at the moment.

Smith vs. Forte: Week 17

Matt Forte, Chicago Bears

Week 17 @ Houston: 13 carries, 50 yards; 3 receptions, 25 yards
Season Totals: 316 carries, 1238 yards, 8 TD; 63 receptions, 477 yards, 4 TD

Kevin Smith, Detroit Lions

Week 16 @ Green Bay: 28 carries, 92 yards, TD; 3 receptions, 7 yards
Season Totals: 238 carries, 980 yards, 8 TD; 39 receptions, 286 yards

Proof That There IS Life After 1-15 (Or 0-16)

On Sunday, the Detroit Lions became the first team in NFL history to finish 0-16 and the ninth to finish with a record of 1-15 or worse. It's the latest embarrassing moment for a franchise that hasn't sniffed the playoffs in the 21st century and has lost at least ten games in seven of the last eight seasons.

Fear not, Lions fans, for there is hope. Of the previous eight teams to finish 1-15, all have reached the playoffs at some point in the future, most of them within 2-4 years. The longest was the New Orleans Saints, who went 1-15 in 1980 and didn't reach the postseason until 1987; the shortest was the Miami Dolphins, who went 1-15 in 2007 before rebounding to win the AFC East this season.

Now here's an interesting fact...

...the 1990 New England Patriots went 1-15; four years later, they were playoff-bound. The coach who turned the sad-sack, loser organization into a winner? Bill Parcells.

...the 1996 New York Jets went 1-15; the following year, they won nine games under a new coach, and the year after that, reached the playoffs. The new coach? Bill Parcells.

...the 2007 Miami Dolphins went 1-15; late in the season, the team hired a new Executive Vice President of Football Operations who promptly overhauled the coaching staff and roster and put together a squad that won eleven games and made the playoffs the following year. The new Eexecutive VP? Bill Parcells.

Thanks to a clause in his contract, Parcells could have the opportunity to leave the Dolphins after the season and join the team of his choosing. The man already has a Hall of Fame resume as a coach; taking the reins in Detroit and reviving one of the sorriest franchises in NFL history would seal his reputation as the greatest team builder ever.

2008 Detroit Lions
Next Playoff Appearance: ???

2007 Miami Dolphins
Next Playoff Appearance: 2008

2001 Carolina Panthers
Next Playoff Appearance: 2003

2000 San Diego Chargers
Next Playoff Appearance: 2004

1996 New York Jets
Next Playoff Appearance: 1998

1991 Indianapolis Colts
Next Playoff Appearance: 1995

1990 New England Patriots
Next Playoff Appearance: 1994

1989 Dallas Cowboys
Next Playoff Appearance: 1991

1980 New Orleans Saints
Next Playoff Appearance: 1987

Hold Onto Your Hats: I'm Writing About Hockey

In the past year at OMDQ, I have posted lists of NFL teams that finished 1-15 and NBA teams that won fifteen or fewer games in an 82-game season. It seems only natural to now present the eleven teams in NHL history that won fourteen or fewer games in a season. Three were first-year expansion teams and six were in their second year of existence.

1974-75 Washington Capitals (8-67-5)*
1980-81 Winnipeg Jets (9-57-14)+
1992-93 Ottawa Senators (10-70-4)*
1975-76 Washington Capitals (11-59-10)+
1992-93 San Jose Sharks (11-71-2)+
1975-76 Kansas City Scouts (12-56-12)+
1972-73 New York Islanders (12-60-6)+
1989-90 Quebec Nordiques (12-61-7)
1973-74 California Golden Seals (13-55-10)
1999-00 Atlanta Thrashers (14-57-7-5)*
1993-94 Ottawa Senators (14-61-9)+

The Senators are a funny inclusion on this list because they’ve been good for the past few years, so it’s easy to forget that they were absolutely awful when they first came into the league as an expansion team for the 1992-93 season. They were the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for the first several years of their existence, just a terrible collection of “talent.” Imagine the shock a few years ago when I looked at the standings and discovered that they were actually good.

*expansion team
+ second-year team

Smith vs. Forte: Week 16

Matt Forte, Chicago Bears

Week 16 vs. Green Bay: 23 carries, 73 yards, TD; 2 receptions, 28 yards
Season Totals: 303 carries, 1188 yards, 8 TD; 60 receptions, 452 yards, 4 TD

Kevin Smith, Detroit Lions

Week 16 vs. New Orleans: 24 carries, 111 yards, TD
Season Totals: 210 carries, 884 yards, 7 TD; 36 receptions, 279 yards

Forte is eighth in the league in rushing (third among rookie running backs behind Chris Johnson and Steve Slaton), fourth in carries, and second in receptions among running backs. Despite not becoming the featured back in Detroit's offense until midway through the season, Smith is in the top twenty in rushing yards and has an outside chance at topping 1,000.

Ryan Is The New Favre

"Roddy White, going to his first Pro Bowl, having a fantastic season, been a benefit of that golden arm of Matt Ryan."

So spoke Brian Baldinger minutes ago.

Roddy White last season: 83 receptions, 1202 yards, 14.5 average, 6 TD
Roddy White this season: 82 receptions, 1310 yards, 16.0 average, 6 TD

Atlanta's quarterbacks last season were Joey Harrington, Chris Redman, and Byron Leftwich. Ryan is the only Falcon to attempt a pass this season.

Yes, White's numbers will be better this year by about 10-15 catches and 300 or so yards. I'll bet the consistency of playing with one quarterback has been a benefit to him. But to suggest, as Baldinger did, that he was somehow a creation of Ryan's "golden arm" is way, way over the top.

Anyone who worried that the media will have no one to verbally fellate once Brett Favre is gone should rest easy. Matt Ryan, a good, possibly great, quarterback, appears to be the heir to the throne.

Just What The Internet Needs: Another Post About The Awesomeness Of Wes Welker

With two games to play this season, New England’s Wes Welker already has 102 receptions. It’s the second year in a row that Welker has reached triple digits, which I thought might put him in some good company. It does.

Besides Welker, only seven players in NFL history have caught 100 passes in at least two consecutive seasons (not surprisingly, all in the last fifteen years): Cris Carter (1994-95), Herman Moore (1995-97), Jerry Rice (1994-96), Marvin Harrison (1999-2002), Randy Moss (2002-03), Rod Smith (2000-01), and Sterling Sharpe (1992-93). Three others are within striking distance with two games to play: Denver’s Brandon Marshall (88), Arizona’s Larry Fitzgerald (88), and Cincinnati’s T.J. Houshmandzadeh (92). That’s a quality group, overall.

Two players (Carter and Rice) had Hall of Famers throwing the ball their way (although Rice also got quite a dose of Elvis Grbac), while three others (Harrison, Sharpe, and Welker) worked with guys who just happen to be the best quarterbacks of their generation in Peyton Manning, Young Brett Favre, and Tom Brady.

I’m particularly impressed by the accomplishments of Rice, Smith, Housh and Welker because they have hit the mark (or almost hit it) despite dealing extensively with two different quarterbacks. Welker’s case might be the most interesting of all – in the other three situations, the regular quarterbacks at least saw some action in both seasons, but Welker played 2007 with Brady and all but a few minutes of 2008 with Matt Cassel.

Will Oklahoma City, Minnesota, Or Washington Succeed Where Denver And Dallas Failed?

Just for fun, here is a list of the teams in NBA history that have won 15 or fewer games in an 82-game season.

15-67
2007-08 Miami Heat
2000-01 Chicago Bulls
1999-00 Los Angeles Clippers
1996-97 Boston Celtics
1995-96 Vancouver Grizzlies
1991-92 Minnesota Timberwolves
1988-89 Miami Heat
1981-82 Cleveland Cavaliers
1980-81 Dallas Mavericks
1970-71 Cleveland Cavaliers
1967-68 San Diego Rockets

14-68
1996-97 Vancouver Grizzlies
1982-83 Houston Rockets

13-69
2004-05 Atlanta Hawks
1993-94 Dallas Mavericks

12-70
1986-87 Los Angeles Clippers

11-71
1997-98 Denver Nuggets
1992-93 Dallas Mavericks

9-73
1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers

Why is this important? Because about a quarter of the way through this season, an unbelievable three teams – Washington, Minnesota, and Oklahoma City – are on pace to finish below that total. If that happens, it would be a record. And anyone who knows me at all knows that nothing would make me happier than living in a world in which at least two major sports leagues feature the worst team in its history.

The Lions and the Thunder (the Thundercats!?) must not let me down.

The Ninth Year

Yesterday was the ninth anniversary of the day my wife and I met. In a perfect world, we would have left the baby with Grandma and Grandpa and headed out on the town for a nice evening involving dinner and a movie. In reality, we finished off an impromptu weeklong visit with my in-laws (necessitated by an ice storm that knocked out power to our apartment for a week) by staying in to avoid the first heavy snowstorm of the season.

On the bright side, we finally have power back.

A few weeks back I checked the audio book of "A Beautiful Mind" out of the library. I've tried to read it at least twice and always get bogged down within the first fifty pages, so I figured I'd let my ears have a go at it.

It worked out well - I got much more out of the book than ever before and learned a lot about John Nash's life that wasn't considered appropriate for a Ron Howard movie. One of the passages in particular, about Nash's devotion to his ex-wife Alicia, stuck with me. Considering it's our anniversary, and one of my goals is to be a better husband and father, I thought I'd share it here.

He...sets his clock by her. Stubborn, reserved, self-centered, and jealous of his time (and money) as he is, Nash does nothing without consulting Alicia first, defers to her wishes, and tries to help her, whether it is by washing the dishes, straightening out a problem at the bank, or going with her to family therapy every Monday night. She is the one to whom he faithfully reports the day's events, whom he ran into, what the lecture was about, what he ate for lunch. They argue about money, the housework, Johnny, social engagements, but he has committed himself to making her life easier and more joyful.

I like the last line. That, ultimately, is what being a partner is all about - making things better for the person you're with. Right?

I'm gonna keep working on it.

I'm Onto You, Peter King

Peter King has been touting Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan as an MVP candidate since mid-November, citing Ryan's low interception total (just nine through fourteen games) and Atlanta's emergence as a playoff contender as key reasons he deserves the award.

A discussion on the MVP race on WGAM yesterday afternoon convinced me to take a look at this year's candidates. It came down to about eight players in total - five quarterbacks and three running backs.*

Name		QBRat	Comp	Att	Pct	Yds	Y/A	TD	Int	Sack		Fum	FumL
Philip Rivers		101.4	276	427	64.6	3515	8.2	28	11	22		8	4
Kurt Warner		97.5	376	550	68.4	4290	7.8	26	13	24		10	6
Drew Brees		93.9	353	546	64.7	4332	7.9	28	16	11		6	1
Peyton Manning		90.3	335	514	65.2	3543	6.9	23	12	13		1	0
Matt Ryan		90.0	242	389	62.2	3146	8.1	14	9	14		5	1

*A number of receivers could conceivably have MVP arguments this season - but here's the thing with this award: almost without fail, non-quarterbacks and non-running backs do not win it. Only three such players since 1957 have taken home the hardware: two of them were defensive legends (Alan Page and Lawrence Taylor), the third was a placekicker (Mark Moseley) in a strike-shortened season.

Right or wrong, Rivers and Brees are unlikely winners because their teams are out of the playoff hunt (although Brees will have to be considered if he manages to crack 5,000 yards; he's still thrown too many interceptions for my liking). Warner**, the sexy choice around the mid-season mark (nothing like a resurgent player to get the media's juices flowing), has been unimpressive for a month or so. And Manning, like Warner a former two-time Most Valuable Player, has been just a notch below his usual excellent level of play (that's not a knock on Manning - everyone fades at some point, and he set the bar so high that his "pretty good" is better than most other guys' maximum effort) but will definitely earn bonus points for leading a Colts team that seemed vulnerable in the early going to eight straight wins and a seventh consecutive playoff berth.

**Warner's effort on September 28 (my wife's birthday, incidentally) might have my vote for quarterback line score of the season: 40-57, 472 yards, 2 touchdowns, 3 interceptions, 5 sacks, four fumbles, three lost fumbles. How confusing is that? You look at the yardage and TDs and say, "Hey, great day for Warner." Then you get to the picks and the fumbles, and it's like, "Ewww."

And then there's Ryan. The Boston College product boasts the lowest quarterback rating, the fewest pass attempts, the fewest completions, the lowest completion percentage, the fewest yards, and the fewest touchdowns of anybody on the short list above. His sacks are middle of the road, his fumbles are about the same as Brees, and his interceptions are, admittedly, extremely impressive (especially for a rookie). But that's all he has - despite King's best efforts, how can Ryan be given the bulk of the credit for turning around the Falcons when so many other factors are on the table? The team has a new coach (Mike Smith), a new running back (Michael Turner), a star wide receiver as a primary target (Roddy White), and a sack machine on the other side of the ball (John Abraham). It just doesn't work for me.

So if you look at quarterbacks, Manning is probably the best candidate, depending on what Brees and Warner do the last couple weeks. He is by no means a runaway, however, so here are a few running back options to consider:

Name		Rush	Yds	Avg	TD	Rec	Yds	TD	Fum	FumL
Adrian Peterson		320	1581	4.9	9	19	109	0	6	3
Michael Turner		332	1421	4.3	15	6	41	0	2	1
Clinton Portis		291	1337	4.6	7	27	207	0	2	2
DeAngelo Williams		224	1229	5.5	14	22	121	2	0	0
Thomas Jones		263	1222	4.6	13	32	177	2	2	1
Chris Johnson		235	1159	4.9	8	41	259	1	1	1

Titans running backs have run for nearly 1,900 yards and 22 touchdowns this season. Unfortunately for Johnson, only 1,159 and 8 of those belong to him and Tennessee's strength is generally accepted to be on the other side of the ball (though those 41 catches are pretty impressive). Jones is a consistent performer who produces decent numbers but gets overshadowed by his quarterback. Like Johnson, Williams splits carries with another back, Jonathan Stewart, which reduces his overall impact. Portis plays for the worst team in the NFC East and has fallen off dramatically since a terrific stretch of six 100-yard performances in eight games.

That leaves Turner and Peterson. Turner has seven 100-yard games this season, all of them in Falcons wins (he had 96 and 54 in the team's other two victories). He has scored 12 of his 15 touchdowns in those games. If you're into diversity, however, he's not exactly your guy: prior to Week 15 against Tampa Bay, he had four catches for eleven yards this season.

Peterson also shares carries (with Chester Taylor), but to a far lesser extent than Johnson and Williams. As a result, he has an NFL-high 1,581 yards, including seven 100-yard efforts in his last nine games (team record: 7-2, 6-1 when Peterson goes for 100+). Like Brees and Warner, Peterson's case could be made or broken by his performance in the final two weeks of the season. If he breaks 1,800 yards for a playoff team, it'll be tough to go against him.

Until that happens, well...I'm gonna go against him. Manning and Turner are my two top candidates; Manning presents as the glue that held the Colts together after a tough start, while the fact that Turner's best efforts coincide with Falcon wins counts for something in my book. (Funny story: Matt Ryan has nine games this season with a quarterback rating greater than 90 - Atlanta's record in those games is 8-1. Can I ignore this piece of information, please?)

Win Some, Lose Some

Two seasons ago, the Boston Celtics suffered through an eighteen game losing streak, an awful stretch that seemed certain to drive Paul Pierce from Beantown once and for all.

Those same Celtics (in name, at least), less than 24 months removed from that debacle and six months removed from an NBA-record 17th championship, are currently working on a sixteen game winning streak, a feat that made me ponder a simple question: can any other team in NBA history boast a past that features such a combination of futility and greatness?

No team has ever pulled off the fabled 20-20 (there have been six winning streaks and three losing streaks of twenty games), but one organization managed to come close: the Dallas Mavericks, the worst team in basketball during the early 1990s. Young fans remember the talented Mavericks teams that won 50+ games every year from 2000-01 to 2007-08; old geezers like myself, however, recall the pre-Cuban Mavs of the 1990s, those fantastically awful squads that won more than thirty games only twice and managed a total of 24 victories in 1992-93 and 1993-94.

On the flip side of those 24 victories were an astounding 140 losses; among those were losing streaks of 20 (1993-94, tied for fifth all-time) and 19 (1992-93, tied for seventh all-time) games. When the 2006-07 Mavs put together a 17-game winning streak en route to an NBA-best 67-15 record, they tied the 1959-60 Celtics for the eighth-best streak in league history and came as close as any team ever has to completing a 20-20.

They were not, however, the first team to have winning and losing streaks of seventeen games of longer. That honor goes to those seemingly hopeless 2006-07 Celtics, that team of Al Jefferson, Delonte West, and Gerald Green. Strangely, the Celtics used to be pretty good back in the day, posting wining streaks of 18 (1981-82), 17 (1959-60), and 16 (1964-65) games. The 2006-07 Mavericks picked up win number 17 on March 11, a 108-72 destruction of the Lakers. The Celtics beat them by exactly a month, losing a 109-107 heartbreaker to the Timberwolves on February 11.

These 2008-09 Celtics need four more wins to complete one leg of the 20-20 (Christmas Day, on the road, against the Lakers, could be number twenty; no pressure there). Two years ago, they might have missed their best chance to complete the other.

Life Begins At 37

My brother turned 37 on Tuesday, and if he's anything like me, he is beyond freaked out by his advancing age (I'm not even thirty yet and already firmly entrenched in my own totally awesome mid-life crisis). So I figured the best thing to do would be to provide some examples of guys who were successful at the age of 37 and beyond.

Using Baseball-Reference.com, I made the following lists. The first shows players who posted the best marks in a number of categories during the year in which they turned 37; the second shows the players with the best totals in those same categories for the years after they turned 37.

Category	Player	Total	Year
Batting Average	Tris Speaker	.389	1925
On-Base Percentage	Barry Bonds	.582	2002
Slugging Percentage	Barry Bonds	.799	2002
OPS	Barry Bonds	1.381	2002
Games	Cal Ripken	161	1998
At-Bats	Pete Rose	655	1978
Runs	Zack Wheat	125	1925
Hits	Zack Wheat	221	1925
Total Bases	Moises Alou	335	2004
Doubles	Pete Rose	51	1978
Triples	Honus Wagner	16	1911
Home Runs	Hank Aaron	47	1971
RBI	Edgar Martinez	145	2000
Bases on Balls	Barry Bonds	198	2002
Strikeouts	Jim Thome	147	2008
Stolen Bases	Lou Brock	56	1976
Adjusted OPS+	Barry Bonds	268	2002

Category	Player	Total
Batting Average	Ty Cobb	.348
On-Base Percentage	Barry Bonds	.534
Slugging Percentage	Barry Bonds	.698
OPS	Barry Bonds	1.233
Games	Pete Rose	1216
At-Bats	Pete Rose	4512
Runs	Cap Anson	716
Hits	Cap Anson	1297
Total Bases	Cap Anson	1699
Doubles	Pete Rose	225
Triples	Honus Wagner	76
Home Run	Barry Bonds	195
RBI	Cap Anson	864
Bases on Balls	Barry Bonds	834
Strikeouts	Reggie Jackson	631
Stolen Bases	Rickey Henderson	257
Adjusted OPS+	Barry Bonds	219

Crazy how the three names that appear most on the list (Bonds, Rose, and Anson) all had a serious problem that negatively effected their legacies. Bonds is the Official Face of the Steroid Era, Rose did the one thing that you're not supposed to even think about doing (and refused to come clean and admit his wrongs for years afterward), and Anson was one of those guys who wasn't too keen on playing on the same field as black players and made his opinion well-known.

Lots of controversy there, but also lots of great on-field production (Bonds in particular was remarkable; he was better after the age of 37 than most players are EVER). Let's hope Tim manages to achieve more of the latter with less of the former, both this year and in the years to come.

Smith vs. Forte: Week 15

Matt Forte, Chicago Bears

Week 15 vs. New Orleans: 11 carries, 34 yards, TD; 5 receptions, 29 yards
Season Totals: 280 carries, 1115 yards, 7 TD; 58 receptions, 424 yards, 4 TD


Kevin Smith, Detroit Lions

Week 15 @ Indianapolis: 20 carries, 88 yards, TD; 6 receptions, 31 yards
Season Totals: 186 carries, 773 yards, 6 TD; 36 receptions, 279 yards

The Heisman Trophy Says Tim Tebow Is The Fourth Greatest Player Ever, And The Heisman Is NEVER WRONG!

Just about a year ago, I posted a list of the top thirty career point totals in Heisman voting history. O.J. Simpson occupied the top spot, followed by two-time winner Archie Griffin, Herschel Walker, Reggie Bush, and Tony Dorsett. Tonight, using voting information from HeismanPundit.com, I updated that list. There were only two changes in the top forty: Oklahoma's Sam Bradford, the second sophomore winner, jumped onto the list at number 38, and Florida's Tim Tebow, who a year ago became the first sophomore winner, knocked Dorsett out of the top five:

Rank	Player	School	Year	Class	Points
1	O.J. Simpson*	Southern California	1967-68	Jr./Sr.	4575
2	Archie Griffin**	Ohio State	1973-75	So./Jr./Sr.	4046
3	Herschel Walker*	Georgia	1980-82	Fr./So./Jr.	3808
4	Tim Tebow*	Florida	2007-08	So./Jr.	3532
5	Reggie Bush*	USC	2004-05	So./Jr.	3138

I found this interesting given all the recent talk about Tebow's place among the all-time greats of the college game. That talk will likely lessen somewhat following Tebow's third-place finish in this year's vote*, but still, there it is: the only players in history to receive more points in the Heisman voting are Simpson, Griffin, and Walker.

*Also interesting: amidst the outrage over Graham Harrell's non-invite to New York, I remember reading that they make those invites according to natural breaks in the voting. Agree with the final vote or not, Harrell's finish (213 points, more than 1300 behind Tebow) did not warrant his presence at the ceremony.

This fits with my common response to the question of Tebow's place in history: if he comes back for his senior season and dominates again, he will probably be considered the greatest college player ever. Until then, however, he's in the "Greatest 21st Century Player" argument along with (at least**) Bush, Darren McFadden (still the most points for anyone who didn't take home the Heisman), and Matt Leinart.

**Vince Young? Colt Brennan? Sam Bradford? Adrian Peterson?

So anyway, Tebow's strong finish led me to use my limited points database to determine the schools with the most points in Heisman history. Not being able to recall Florida's history offhand, I figured it would be fun to see where the Gators stand:

School	Points
Southern California	20433
Notre Dame	17968
Ohio State	17893
Oklahoma	17559
Michigan	10051
Texas	9389
Florida	8960
Miami (FL)	7460
Georgia	6974
Nebraska	6891

Okay, so Florida isn't that close to the top (although if Tebow returns for his senior season and has another good showing, they should pass 10,000). The top four initially looked a lot closer - I had Reggie Bush's school as "USC" while the others were "Southern California", so his numbers weren't originally included in the Trojans' tally. Ohio State and Oklahoma have the best chance to join USC in passing the 20,000 mark next season, with Terrelle Pryor, Beanie Wells, and Bradford all expected to contend for the award.

Conversations With My Wife, Part 2

It's not really a conversation in the strictest sense, but that's what I'm gonna call it. It might actually be best described as a "you had to be there" moment, because I'm not sure I can do it justice in words alone.

Beverly Hills 90210 ends. I realize that I hold the remote and can, in theory, watch whatever I want on TV.

HER: 714, please.

I put it on channel 714.

ME: I really don't want to watch Wheel of Fortune.
HER: But Joey likes it. Joey, look what's on TV.

Joey turns and looks at the television without expression for about fifteen seconds, then begins clapping and cheering wildly.

HER: See? He loves it!

Joey climbs into the computer chair, sits down, and continues clapping and cheering.

Side note: I never knew until tonight that my wife is one of those people who just shouts out the answers to Wheel of Fortune puzzles whenever she figures them out. I hate that. My sister used to do the same thing. You're smarter than me, I get it. At least give the slowpoke a chance.

A Short Appreciation Of My Grandmother

About twenty years ago, my parents bought me my first bike, an old used one of no particular make or model that may still be hanging around somewhere in the barn at my childhood home. It was an exciting moment for the nine-year-old me - I had a BIKE! I could go ANYWHERE! The world was my oyster!

There were only two problems: who was going to teach me to ride, and where? My parents both worked and my two older siblings were high school students who didn't have a lot of interest in spending more time than necessary with their little brother. And besides, our driveway was short, too sloped for a novice rider, and equipped with a trio of natural hazards should I fail to apply the brakes in time: to the left, rose bushes; to the right, lilac bushes; in the middle, road.

This is where my grandmother enters the picture. Mum-Mum and Pa-Pa lived less than a quarter mile down the street, in a big house with a big, flat driveway. The road was a safe distance away, the only nearby obstacles an old car that belonged to my uncle and a huge oak tree that would have required some exceptional effort if I wished to run into it. Mum-Mum watched my sister and I after school two days a week, and on those days, we would go outside and practice.

One day she was holding onto the back of the bike while I tried desperately to gain my balance. I wobbled this way and that, finally losing control and sending the bike crashing down beneath me. I managed to stay on my feet somehow, but Mum-Mum - and this image is burned into my brain - was knocked off balance. She fell over, did a barrel roll, and sprang to her feet, laughing like a school girl.

She was 67 years old.

I eventually learned to ride a bike*. Now, if only I can figure out how to bounce back to my feet and laugh when life knocks me down, I'll be fine.

*...and almost died once when I saw my cousin cross the street on foot and assumed it was safe for me to do the same, without looking, not realizing that she had crossed just in front of an oncoming car. I don't know who was more scared when it was all over - me or the driver who almost hit me. I do know that later that day, my brother took me for a long ride down by the beach and made me practice turning to check for cars until my neck was stiff.

Sometimes I Think iTunes Hates Me

One of only two songs I really wanted off the "August Rush" soundtrack. Can you believe they don't offer it unless you purchase the entire album? Not cool, man. Good song, though.

Smith vs. Forte: Week 14

Missed this feature last week due to time constraints and the fact that while Smith's Lions played on Thanksgiving Day, Forte's Bears were involved in the Sunday night matchup. When that happens, it's tough to come through with an update. And it's too bad, too, since Forte's 96 yards put him over 1,000 for the season.

Matt Forte, Chicago Bears

Week 13 @ Minnesota: 22 carries, 96 yards; 4 receptions, 29 yards, TD
Week 14 vs. Jacksonville: 21 carries, 69 yards; 5 receptions, 37 yards
Season Totals: 269 carries, 1081 yards, 6 TD; 53 receptions, 395 yards, 4 TD

Kevin Smith, Detroit Lions

Week 13 vs. Tennessee: 12 carries, 22 yards; 1 reception, 9 yards
Week 14 vs. Minnesota: 22 carries, 63 yards; 2 receptions, 27 yards
Season Totals: 167 carries, 684 yards, 5 TD; 30 receptions, 248 yards

Reverse Survivor: Hail To The Huskies

As expected, Washington finished off the first winless season in school history with a 48-7 loss to California yesterday. Cal running back Jahvid Best took care of the Huskies more or less on his own, carrying the ball 19 times for 311 yards and four touchdowns (60, 1, 20, 84) despite not playing for almost the entire second half.

According to the team's roster at ESPN.com, Washington will return 63 freshmen, 22 sophomores and 11 juniors next season, including quarterback Ronnie Fouch, running backs Terrance Dailey and Willie Griffin, and receivers Jermaine Kearse and D'Andre Goodwin.

Southern Methodist and Western Kentucky finished as runners-up.

Like last year, the Reverse Survivor focus will now shift to college basketball. The first post appeared at Storming The Floor last week and will appear there every Monday.

Winless Teams
Washington (Pac-10, 0-12) – lost to California, 48-7 (season over)

Eligible One-Win Teams
Southern Methodist (CUSA West, 1-11) – did not play (season over)
Western Kentucky (Independents, 2-10) – lost to Florida International, 27-3 (season over)