I Think I Finally Made It As A Writer Tonight

Why?

Because a key fell off of my laptop's keyboard. To me, this might be as impressive an accomplishment as getting an article published in Sports Illustrated or receiving an offer to write for a large Web site. I'm just guessing here, because neither of the other two things have actually happened.

For the record, it was the Tab key, and it'll have to do for the foreseeable future - barring a career change, the household budget doesn't leave room for a new laptop purchase until approximately 2012.

What Do You Mean, He's Not On The List?

There are mistakes, and then there are MISTAKES. I just noticed one of the latter while looking at an old "Blogs I Need To Link" folder on my Favorites list. Suddenly, I realized that one of my favorite blogs, Joe Posnanski's, was not on my blogroll. Not like anyone is hurriedly clicking on the links over there, but it's the principle of the thing.

Needless to say, this travesty has been corrected. May God have mercy on my soul. Now, if only I can finish the 2008 NCAA Football Virtual Playoffs, all loose ends will be tied up around here.

My Favorite Movie Quotes, Volume 2

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)

Sam: [after Dewey accidentally barges in a room filled with smoke and groupies]
[coughs]
Sam: Get outta here, Dewey!
Dewey Cox: What are y'all doin' in here?
Sam: We're smoking reefer and you don't want no part of this shit.
Dewey Cox: You're smoking *reefers*?
Sam: Yeah, 'course we are; can't you smell it?
Dewey Cox: No, Sam. I can't.
Girl Groupie: Come on, Dewey! Join the party! [takes a hit off a joint]
Sam: No, Dewey, you don't want this. Get outta here!
Dewey Cox: You know what, I don't want no hangover. I can't get no hangover.
Sam: It doesn't give you a hangover!
Dewey Cox: Wha-I get addicted to it or something?
Sam: It's not habit-forming!
Dewey Cox: Oh, okay... well, I don't know... I don't want to overdose on it.
Sam: You can't OD on it!
Dewey Cox: It's not gonna make me wanna have sex, is it?
Sam: It makes sex even better!
Dewey Cox: Sounds kind of expensive.
Sam: It's the cheapest drug there is.
Dewey Cox: [at a loss and out of excuses] Hmm.
Sam: You don't want it!
Dewey Cox: I think I kinda want it.
Sam: Okay, but just this once. Come on in.

So...Maybe It Was An Okay Idea NOT To Trade Jon Lester After All

While babysitting a friend's five-year-old son this weekend, my friend Allison went to see Speed Racer. Because I am absolutely shameless, I invited my wife and myself along for the ride (and convinced Allison to pay - is more proof needed that I'm a terrible friend?).

The movie was funny, even though I spent the last half hour walking around a hallway just inside the theater because my son had woken from a nap and decided that he wanted to start testing his voice. While I was down there, watching Speed win the big race and thrill to the adoration of the crowd, something dawned on me: I've seen this before. The scene might as well have been taken from Fenway Park last September 1, when Clay Buchholz threw a no-hitter against the Orioles - except in that case, the emotion was all real. Great movie scenes should be able to induce chills in the audience - here, however, the movie was almost laughably devoid of that feeling.

It's ironic that just two days later, the situation virtually repeated itself: a young Red Sox pitcher throwing a no-hitter at Fenway. This one belonged to Jon Lester, and what I saw of his performance (the final three innings), he differed from Buchholz in a variety of ways, from shaking off Varitek (I don't think Clay dared do that) to NOT looking like he was going to blow chunks in the ninth inning.

The best thing about this game might have been the postgame on-field interview conducted by Heidi Whatney. Whatney's first question?

"Jon Lester, a no-hitter. Where do you rank this moment in your life?"

If Lester had Josh Beckett's personality, he might have said, "Well, it's not quite as awesome as that time I beat CANCER. That was pretty cool. And then there was the time I started and won the deciding game of the World Series. That was last year, and it was also pretty cool. So this probably ranks somewhere in behind there. But thanks for asking."

Seriously, though: has there ever been a better time to be a Red Sox fan? Two World Series wins in four seasons, two phenomenal performances from a young pitching staff in back-to-back years, a crop of excellent rookies that should keep the team great for years to come (how cool was it that Pedroia saved Buchholz's no-no and Ellsbury saved Lester's?)...it's pretty awesome.

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!

About a week ago, my wife stumbled upon an online profile belonging to one of my coworkers. After perusing it for a few minutes and being suitably impressed by this person's intelligence and well-readedness (look, Ma, I just made up a word!), I mentioned to my wife that this person is, in my humble opinion, really overqualified for the line of work we are in and should be able to find a better job with little to no difficulty.

Her response: "So should you. And I wish you would realize it."

She's right, of course. She's usually right. I'm college educated, an honors graduate from a decent school. I have a pretty positive attitude (most of the time) and work ethic. Coworkers seem to like me okay. My boss, according to my latest evaluation, thinks I'm great.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? Where's the self-confidence? Where's the positive outlook on life? My boss thinks I do a good job, I think I'm terrible at my job and the place would be better off without me. Who is right? It's to the point where I bought The Soul of Baseball over the weekend and read it in about three days, just because I was hoping that Buck O'Neil could give me some sort of insight into how to fix my life and get things moving in the right direction.

My conclusion: Buck O'Neil was an extraordinary man. I'm not Buck O'Neil. I think I might have to read the book again.

That's it, really. Just needed to bitch a little - it was either this or the story of how I realized today that I lack the basic social skills required to adequately console a good friend when they are clearly upset. And really, who wants to hear about that? (Shit - who wants to read this?)

/awful personal rant

My Favorite Movie Quotes, Volume 1

Tombstone (1993)


Turkey Creek Jack Johson: Doc? You oughta be in bed. What the hell you doin' this for anyway?
Doc Holliday: Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: I don't.

Random Wikipedi-ness: A Re-Imagining

A long time ago, way back in the opening months of 2007, I experimented with a feature called "Random Wikipedi-ness", in which I would use the "random" function on Wikipedia to find an unusual topic for discussion.

The project was canned after three entries, mostly because I began to realize that it was pointless for me to rehash the information I got from a Wikipedia page when anyone who cared to learn about the person, place or thing in question could - crazy idea alert! - visit the page themselves. Put a damper on the whole deal.

Recently, however, I started clicking on Wikipedia links and realized something semi-interesting: it's kinda fun to pick a topic and click the first link on the page, then the first link on that page (not counting stuff in parentheses, or countries - just didn't seem right, like it would end up being the same thing over and over again the more I did this), and so on and so forth, until it got to be ten or twenty pages later and I was somewhere completely different from the start. So I figured, what the hell? Eight people read this thing anyway, might as well give it a try.

Opening Page: Johnny Cash
First Link: Grammy Award
Second Link: National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences
Third Link: Musician
Fourth Link: Music
Fifth Link: Art
Sixth Link: The arts
Seventh Link: Culture
Eighth Link: Latin
Ninth Link: Indo-European languages
Tenth Link: Language family

Come on - this was at least a little interesting, wasn't it? Where else in the world can one go from Johnny Cash to language families in ten easy steps?

Revisiting "Revenge of the Sith"

My wife and I used to play a game where we would take a movie and recast it using different actors that either would have been a better fit or who could have provided a different perspective on a specific character. We usually chose older movies, but I think of that game every time I watch one of the Star Wars prequels.

I open the floor to anyone who cares to chime in: given the chance, how would YOU recast Revenge of the Sith? The plot remains the same (think of this remake as the 1998 version of Psycho - frame for frame according to the original), but any character is fair game.