Why Do People Do This To Their Kids?

Coming from an old (mostly) Irish family that tends to give kids traditional names (my niece's name is Hannah, my nephew's is Patrick, my son is Joseph...and those are just the grandkids), it came as something of a shock to everyone when my younger sister, the baby, decided to get all wild and crazy with her two younguns. First came Shakeira, then Taliyah; I shudder to consider the possibilities if she ever has a boy.

As out of place as those two names are in our family tree, there is absolutely no comparison to the move a Florida couple recently pulled on their unsuspecting twin newborns. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Brett and Favre Kinsaul.

Okay. Here's the deal: Brett? An okay name - not one of my personal favorites, but nothing too strange or gimmicky about it. Favre? Different - but maybe I could learn to love it. It's unique, yet recognizable. The two of them together? Guaranteed to earn this dynamic duo a spot in at least two fistfights before the age of sixteen. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is a Brett Favre fan.

In the end, it's not so much the first names that irk me - it's the full name of each child. Because, as you already know if you've read the above link or the Hashmarks post that originally turned me onto this story, the name fun didn't stop there. The Kinsauls apparently have some interest in religion as well as sport and decided to go with Aaron and Moses, respectively, as middle names.

This, in my opinion, breaks a cardinal rule governing odd names - specifically, if you're gonna go untraditional with the first name, use a more traditional middle name (for the record: Shakeira's middle name is Jeanne, Taliyah's is Mae. To some extent, my sister gets this rule). Wanna be a huge attention hog and name your kid "ESPN"? Go for it - but throw a "Robert" or "William" in there, just in case he gets to middle school and suddenly decides he doesn't want to be share a name with a global sports network. Really, it's the decent thing for a parent to do.

And it's where the Kinsauls messed up. Again, Brett Aaron is alright by me (potentially questionable initials aside); I kinda like it because it makes me think of George Brett and Hank Aaron. But Favre Moses? You're gonna give him a choice between a Hall of Fame quarterback who is regarded as a god by the entire state of Wisconsin or the dude who actually went to the top of a mountain and got the Ten Commandments from God Himself? How about just naming the kid, "You Don't Stand A Fucking Chance In Life"? Or, "Your Parents Hate You Because You Were The Second Twin Out Of The Chute"? Don't they realize they're setting him up for a lifetime of jokes about "failing to complete the deep ball" or "parting the Red Sea", regardless of which name he chooses to use? If I was Brett Aaron, I'd go back and forth between names every week, just to rub it in.

Good luck, young Favre Moses Kinsaul. You're gonna need it.