Visual Crack: When I Was Eight, I Pronounced Jose Canseco's Name Phonetically

It feels like forever since I posted something (if "last Sunday" is the definition of forever), so I decided to forgo a fifth hour of sleep and drag myself over to YouTube to find something good.

Search..."Roger Clemens"...jackpot. The execution is a little terrible in spots (how, exactly, do you mess up the pronunciation for Jose Guillen, then turn around three seconds later and throw out a perfect Josias Manzanillo? Who are Jason Grimley and Danny Neagle?), but the concept is excellent:



Somehow, that didn't feel like enough, so I kept looking, and eventually stumbled upon a classic battle between good and evil:



(Random side note: One night when I worked overnights at Target leading up to Christmas 2005, my friend Mike and I discovered that the store sold a Pikachu doll. It looked innocent enough - until we hit the "Try Me!" button and the thing started to shake and yell, "Pi-ka-CHUUUUUU". It was terrifying, which amazes me to this day because it was a children's toy and I'm pretty sure every child I've ever met would be messed up for life after five minutes with this thing. Anyway, Mike and I realized the power of the beast, declared it "the Great Lord Pikachu", and set it atop one of the pallets, where it could keep an eye on the entire backroom. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens on the overnight shift at Target during the busiest time of the year.)

Scrolling steroid users sung to the tune of our National Anthem. Barry Bonds murdering a defenseless cartoon creature with one swing of the bat. This is why I blog.