Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hunter Pence Is Trying To Ruin My Fantasy Baseball Season

Over the next few months, I will be taking part in a sociological experiment conducted by Dave Lozo: can thirty random people come together over the Internet to form a smoothly operating fantasy baseball league?

The full breakdown of my team can be saved until the draft is done; for now, I feel it necessary to call attention to my second round pick, Houston Astros outfielder Hunter Pence, the second-year player who has apparently decided to do everything possible to ruin 2008 for both of us.

Last Wednesday, I selected Pence with the 32nd overall pick in the Lozoball draft. On Tuesday, I almost had a heart attack upon learning that Pence had sustained numerous cuts to his body when he fell through a sliding glass door at his home the previous night. Thankfully, he wasn't seriously injured.

Then, what happens yesterday? He takes a few imaginary swings in the clubhouse, hits his arm on a laundry cart, and almost hurts himself again. I believe Tommy Manzella said it best when he said, "Hunter, go sit down."

Seriously, this scares me. Pence has managed to injure himself twice in the first week of spring training - what are the odds of him making it through the first month of the season? The first half? The entire year? It's questions like this that made me draft Adam Dunn and his $10.5 million salary in the fourth round, even though I needed to spend two high picks on outfielders like I need a hole in the head.

Anyway, feel free to say a little prayer or two for Hunter Pence. Clearly, he needs some divine assistance with his day-to-day existence.

1 Comment:

Dan said...

With your luck Khalil Greene will tear his ACL while celebrating an RBI single in Spring training, and Adam Dunn with miss the season due to a freak can-opener accident.