All They Want For Christmas...

With only five shopping days left until Christmas, it’s time to consider what some of the top names in the world of sports will be hoping for on the morning of December 25th:

Tom Brady – A wide receiver with Terrell Owens’ ability and Troy Brown’s attitude.

Carmelo Anthony – One of those remote controls that Adam Sandler had in the movie Click so he can just hit the rewind button and do things a bit differently.

Daisuke Matzusaka – A more fashionable winter coat and a more fashionable nickname.

Bill Belichick – Coordinators who are good enough at their jobs to make everyone stop talking about Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel.

David Stern – For NBA observers to forget the “new” ball ever existed.

Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce – A proven veteran teammate who can stay healthy and give them a fighting chance at a title before time runs out.

Urban Meyer – A wheel of cheese to go with his w(h)ine.

Ryan Farnsworth – A little brother for Farney.

Gary Bettman – To reestablish the NHL as a member of the Big Four sports in the United States.

Carl Monday – A new microphone to replace the ones that were destroyed by Mike Cooper’s father.

Mike Cooper – A computer that he can use in the privacy of his own (parents’) home.

Peyton Manning – A shiny Super Bowl ring.

Tony Kornheiser – To be joined in the Monday Night Football booth by Pardon The Interruption co-host Michael Wilbon.

Bud Selig – For this whole steroid thing to go away once and for all.

Greg Oden – A healthy right wrist, so he can finally showcase the skills that should earn him the right to be the number one pick in 2007.

Michael Vick – A mentor that will help him finally become a consistently successful NFL quarterback.

Chris Berman – For fans to forget the one tolerable catchphrase he has created in career.

Matthew McConaughey – To keep on livin’, L-I-V-I-N.

Troy Smith – A national championship to complement his Heisman Trophy.

Allen Iverson – The chance to play for a competitive basketball team.

Boston Bruins Defensemen – Lifts in their skates so they can finally see eye to eye with 6’9” teammate Zdeno Chara.

Roger Goodell – News that a member of the Cincinnati Bengals has been caught reading to children or painting church pews.

ESPN – For an NFL player to finally go completely over the edge and reenact the opening scene from The Last Boy Scout.

Barbaro – Hay, oats, and the love of a thousand good mares.